My pieces...

Oh, this is embarrassing... But, I did promise, didn't I? Here are two of poems. They are both currently in a draft stage. The first I know Alex has already read. it's much different, now. It was formally called "Naomi", but I had to change the name out of respect to my friend. I have to hand both poems into my teacher, so this was the reason.

Please tell me your most honest opinions on them. If they are horrible, I most definitly want to know!

Reflection: This was a poem about my friend.

Tessa
Draft 3 (?)

She’s kneeling on the pavement,
blowing all of her kisses away.
Tessa whispers into my hair,
“You are so sad, today.
It’s not becoming.”
Oh Tessa, do you think your bones are?

Her shoulder blades pierce the skin
at sharp angles. Tessa is so frail
under her pink cotton and lace.
Her skinny legs cross at the ankle,
covered by subway maps of blue veins.
Tessa’s skin is translucent
in the glare of approaching headlights.

Passengers peer at Tessa
from behind their tinted windows,
afraid to come closer.
I want to scream at the passing cars,
“Christ, her disease isn’t contagious.”

The highway breeze lifts Tessa,
her slippers leaving the pavement.
She’s about to float away,
a sprit, a skeletal girl made of
air and blonde wisps.
I hold her hand tightly.
The wind cannot take her.

Stay with me.

Reflection: I based this poem on two different paintings by Frida Kahlo and a quote from her. Both of the paintings were self-portraits, one of which was called, "The Two Fridas".

Frida
Draft 4

She paints herself
as if it injures her.
Every stroke of the brush
rips the skin off her bones,
exposing her heart.
She wants you to see it,
to ask if it’s still beating.

Her heart’s tissue is scarred and torn,
yet you answer her,
“Alive.”
It’s written in her eyes,
she’s known the answer all along.

She made herself a necklace
of brambles and thorns.
They cut at the soft flesh of her neck,
scraping against arteries.
She’s daring death.

A sparrow is resting
against her collarbone.
Dead.
Two delicate wings are spread,
as if its demise was its escape.

She turns her head,
the blood droplets leaving trails
down her neck.
Frida holds the cure to her agony.
When the pain is gone,
so is she.

So yes... Both poems are works-in-progress, so I am not completely happy with them, yet.

OHHHH!!! LANA!!!!

YOUR POEMS ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! VERY BEAUTIFUL AND TOUCHING!!!
Thank you for sharing them with us!!! :<33: :<33: :<33: :<33:


I saw the movie Frida, so I kind of understand!!!

They are beautiful, Lana..

Nice poems, Lana! I'm so sorry that I don't understand some phrases

Wow..Lana....
I don't know what to say, I love your style. It's always so sad and dark. I think you can express so much with these poems. You use great words and you combine them so well....

I admire you very much for having this beautiful talent/gift. I would love to have a book with your poems...I think you will have one day, more than one book

I will write a bit more, after I manage to understand them entirely..and unfotunately, I need a bit more time for this...

Maria wrote:

OHHHH!!! LANA!!!!

YOUR POEMS ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! VERY BEAUTIFUL AND TOUCHING!!!
Thank you for sharing them with us!!! :<33: :<33: :<33: :<33:


I saw the movie Frida, so I kind of understand!!!

Thank you, dearest Maria! I'm so glad that you liked them. I was afraid that no one would because both poems are too depressing and sad.

yeah. i based the "Frida" poem mostly on her personality in her paintings, if that makes sense. i know that she was a very different person than how she painted herself.

Lerka wrote:

They are beautiful, Lana..

Do you really think so, sestrichka? :<33:

Vania wrote:

Nice poems, Lana! I'm so sorry that I don't understand some phrases

Thank you. Well, that is bond to happen, since it isn't your first language. If you have any specific questions about the 2 poems, I will try and answer them.

alexandra wrote:

Wow..Lana....
I don't know what to say, I love your style. It's always so sad and dark. I think you can express so much with these poems. You use great words and you combine them so well....

Yes, the results of this --> + + = Lana's poems.
Sad and Dark... I hope it's not getting repetative. This is just what I have been writing lately. Thanks, I did spend a lot of time obsessing over the word choices. Jenn (my lovely editor ) was helping me with that, because it's sooo useful to have a second set of opinions.

Quote :

I admire you very much for having this beautiful talent/gift. I would love to have a book with your poems...I think you will have one day, more than one book

Well, if I ever get a book of anything (poems or prose) published, I will be sure to mail you a copy, Alex! :<33: More than one book? I must work on getting one published, first.

Quote :

I will write a bit more, after I manage to understand them entirely..and unfotunately, I need a bit more time for this...

no problem. i'm looking forward to reading more of your opinions, Alex.

Thank you as always, dearest Alex!!! :<33: Your words are always so sweet and honest! I really appreciate it... :<33: So, many thanks!

Lana wrote!

Quote :

blush2: Thank you, dearest Maria! I'm so glad that you liked them. I was afraid that no one would because both poems are too depressing and sad.

DEAR, THESE POEMS MAKE US THINK ABOUT SO MANY THINGS,...ABOUT THE FACT THAT LIFE IS FRAIL ...SOMETIMES BITTER AND UNFAIR!!!
IT MAKES US THINK ABOUT THE FUTILITY OF THINGS! VANITY RICHES POWER INFLUENCE PRIDE PREJUDICE!!

OHHHH, DEAREST , THEY ARE NOT DEPRESSING..THEY MAKE US THINK ABOUT THE ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!


BESOS!!!

Dear Lana!

YOU WROTE BEAUTIFUL , WONDERFUL POEMS!

PLEASE,
GO ON WRITING, BECAUSE YOU ARE VERY GOOD!!!



AND I think Maria has said everything about them!
JUST THE VERY RIGHT WORDS TO DESCRIBE THEM!!!

OHHHHH! I HAVE GOT ALL MY HEARTS ON MY AVATAR!!!

Maria wrote:

DEAR, THESE POEMS MAKE US THINK ABOUT SO MANY THINGS,...ABOUT THE FACT THAT LIFE IS FRAIL ...SOMETIMES BITTER AND UNFAIR!!!
IT MAKES US THINK ABOUT THE FUTILITY OF THINGS! VANITY RICHES POWER INFLUENCE PRIDE PREJUDICE!!

OHHHH, DEAREST , THEY ARE NOT DEPRESSING..THEY MAKE US THINK ABOUT THE ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!

Now, I'm very embarrassed. joking, hehe. I don't think it is possible to recieve a nicer compliment, Maria!!!!!! :<33: Thank you, I'm very flatter by you words. The essence of life? My poems? I cannot completely believe that.

Lana wrote in one of her poems!

Quote :

She’s about to float away,
a sprit, a skeletal girl made of
air and blonde wisps.
I hold her hand tightly.
The wind cannot take her.

Stay with me.

OHHH, DEAR , That part is so beautiful!

THIS IS LIFE EBBING AWAY....but at the the same time lingering!
This is a subtle, but strong struggle between life and death!!And we don't know where we draw the line!!!
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!


IT'S BEAUTIFUL, LANA!!!



BESOS!! YOU DESERVE ALL THE COMPLIMENTS ON THIS!!

DEar Lana :<33:

I think that your poems are very good!
You look at life ia a very peculiar way! ...but you look at it in a very realistic way!!!


Thanks for sharing the poems with us!!!

Maria wrote:

OHHH, DEAR , That part is so beautiful!

THIS IS LIFE EBBING AWAY....but at the the same time lingering!
This is a subtle, but strong struggle between life and death!!And we don't know where we draw the line!!!
THIS IS THE ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!

Oh thank you, Maria. I really have nothing else to say except, thank you. You analysed a lot more of my poem, than I did. I just write what I like and hope that maybe someone else will like it, too. I feel really honored by everything that you wrote, Maria. So, thank you so much. It's always encouraging, when someone else likes what I write.

Kisses :<33:
Lana

Serena wrote:

I think that your poems are very good!
You look at life ia a very peculiar way! ...but you look at it in a very realistic way!!!

Thanks.
Peculiar, but realistic? I sort of like that. hehe.

Quote :

Thanks for sharing the poems with us!!!

Oh, anytime, dear. I'm glad that you liked them.

Lana wrote!

Quote :

I really have nothing else to say except, thank you. You analysed a lot more of my poem, than I did. I just write what I like and hope that maybe someone else will like it, too. I feel really honored by everything that you wrote, Maria. So, thank you so much.

YOU KNOW , DEAREST! I AM USED TO ANALYSING texts and poems!

AS A MATTER OF FACT I LIKE TO DO THAT VERY MUCH!!
YOU WERE WONDERFUL!!

BESOS!!!

Since, the last few things I've posted have been poems... I wanted to post a piece of prose that I had lying around. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, yet. So, at the moment, it's just a "Character Sketch".

I like writing about pictures , so I wrote this piece about her --> . It's actually a photo of the model, Gemma Ward... but my friend didn't know that. So, I got her to rename Gemma for me. hehe.

I hope you like this.

Chloë
A Character Study

She’s sitting on a black leather stool, staring forlornly out her bedroom window. Outside, a spray of rain is wetting the glass, the type of rain, which coats everything in a misty layer of droplets. The precipitation is washing away the daylight in a steady descent into night. As she gazes onward, shadows are seeping into the hollows of her cheekbones. They slither down her neck and rest heavily on her clavicle. The bones are so delicate that they threaten to splinter under the burden. As the bitter light fades, shadows start to descend to her shoulders, which hang limply in the defeated way of a child after a fight with a friend—abandoned, lonely.

A white silk dress falls lifelessly over her frail body; the fabric is deeply wrinkled. One of its sleeves has slipped down her arm exposing a gaunt shoulder. It appears as if she’s slept in the garment—or lay awake tormenting herself with her own thoughts. The cigarette gripped in her left hand is flaking ash onto the silk, yet she doesn’t move. Her other hand holds a paper cup in which coffee cools. She doesn’t appear to notice this either.

She is sunken in thought, staring ahead for what may have been hours. Or was it only a few minutes? It is impossible to tell. Perhaps, she is waiting for a man, who swore he'd come. But hasn't. The disappointment is pressing on her body. Her spine is bent, while her shoulders curl in on themselves. The feeling seems to envelop her, until she notices only her own pain. She is focused on it, staring outside as if the hurt is growing in her garden. Or, as if the drizzling rain is telling her something profound, instructing her on what to do next. So far, she does not like what it is telling her.

The last glimmerings of day are all that’s left now. A sliver of light highlights her face and reflects in her eyes. Though devastated, her eyes themselves are lovely. The iris is a pale blue, so clear it appears almost translucent. If you looked deeply enough, you could see her thoughts. How can one so beautiful be so sad? For she is beautiful. In her melancholy, her beauty is haunting.

Lana...this is why you went to a Literary Arts school...this is why your poems are so beautiful and magical...this is why I feel SOOOOOOO unworthy!!! I love it so much! Your choice of words is simply superb... Hehe...and I was wondering who that was on your MSN messenger icon...


Lyra