Our little debts ;)))

Lerka wrote:

Ohhh, Lana caught up her twin! it is not funny this time.. soo we both has knee injuries now.. but you see, mine is too bad.. I suffer from it so long already.. I just don't believe it will be ok one day.. You must remember when we talked with you on MSN I said: "Lanochka, I'm such a pessimist, now. I'm an invalid. Really."

Yeah, it seems that I have caught up. *sighs* I cannot believe that we both have knee injuries... I do remember you saying that on MSN, sestrichka. How bad is your knee? What is wrong with it? Can you still train? Too many questions, I know.

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By the way, your knee.. is it right or left? Mine is right.. Sestrichka, we have to be strong. It seems tommorow is a new day, next year is a new season.. :| *Lerka hugs her dear sestrichka* *sobs* :<33: :<33: :<33: I hope you knee injury won't be as serious and bad as mine, Lanochka!! God forbid!

It's my left knee, actually. My left leg is my most flexible leg, too. My balances and flexiblities on my other side aren't nearly as strong. So, I am trying very hard not to go into complete panic mode. I will wait to see what the doctor says, before I start to panic. *hugs her dear sestrichka* Lerka, I hadn't realized how serious your injury is, darling. But you are right, next year is a new season... I have the entire month of July off. So maybe... hopefully, something will change for both of us! :<33:

Lerka wrote:

I've decided to create this topic mostly for me and Lana, 'cause sometimes we promise something and just have no time to write it out right away.. or just can't find it.. Little stories or Lana's vain-list.. everything we promised but haven't told! Here! Nooow!!!!

Lerka wrote:

Girls, someone has some debts, eh????

....yes, we do have a lot of debts. For example me and Lerka have to post "the hut". Mine is almost ready but I can't find my coloured pencils maybe my little cousin hid them somewhere. So, this is my excuse...yours?!?
I'm so mean..now i remember everything somebody said or promised...Should I tell?!?
Maria has promised a draw with "jotero"...
Do I owe something?! I guess..but what? Some pictures from my book - russian fairy-tales.

I don't remember if I have promissed anything!!!
Please, remind me...
But, I don't think it's likely!!!

alexandra wrote:

....yes, we do have a lot of debts. For example me and Lerka have to post "the hut". Mine is almost ready but I can't find my coloured pencils maybe my little cousin hid them somewhere. So, this is my excuse...yours?!?
I'm so mean..now i remember everything somebody said or promised...Should I tell?!?
Maria has promised a draw with "jotero"...
Do I owe something?! I guess..but what? Some pictures from my book - russian fairy-tales.

yessss... I had no forgotten about the hut. hehe. What is this excuse about your little cousin stealing your pencil crayons? I am wondering whether I should believe you... Joking, of course.

I remember something else. I promised Lerochka a copy of one of Chel-C's strange stories about us. I must find one. There was one about us going on "Survivor: Thailand" with Albena and Maxim, our geography teacher and a Canadian hockey player. Maybe that one...

Bea wrote:

I don't remember if I have promissed anything!!!
Please, remind me...
But, I don't think it's likely!!!

I can't remember you promising anything, Bea! See you must keep all of your promises. or maybe you just haven't made any...

And look how our thread with "little debts", where we should honour our promises, becomes a thread where we mention our debts but do nothing about it

I'll finish my drawings soon ...I bought coloured-pencils

alexandra wrote:

I'll finish my drawings soon ...I bought coloured-pencils

excellent! hehe.

I'm just typing up one of my poems from my "writer's notebook". It's a first draft, so beware. hehe.

alexandra wrote:

Weee....poems!! Beware of Lana's poems! Words can strike and shout!! We will be ok..you my little artist, post the poem We will manage somehow
It's a joke of course. I'm very curious about it!

ohh... i am making you impatient, am i? hehe. all right, all right... i will post it! it was just bothering me, because i realized the poem has no ending. gah! noooo!!! well, it is a first draft, i will try to end the poem, later. Please, tell me, it's not completely terrible!

Directly from my "Writer's Notebook":

Reflection: We were outside on the front lawn of the school for Lit class with our huge notebooks. I was sitting with Naomi, I didn't want to write about the trees or the sky or anything... So, I wrote about her, because everyone, who walked by was staring at her. Because, she was much too thin at this point...

Naomi
Draft 1

She’s kneeling on the pavement,
blowing all of her kisses away.
(Naomi whispers into my hair.)
“My love, you are so sad.”

Her shoulder blades pierce her skin
at acute angles. She is so frail
under her pink cotton and lace.

“It’s not becoming.” (she continues.)
Oh Naomi, do you think your bones are?
I cannot bear the anxious stares
from the boys on the pavement.

Her skinny legs cross at the ankle,
covered by subway maps of blue veins.
Naomi’s skin is translucent.

The wind is terrifyingly strong,
It waits to shatter her frame against the pavement.
“Naomi, can we go inside?” (I plead.)
I wish to delay the inescapable future.

*Lana is wondering why she didn't write an ending to this? hehe

Lana wrote:

*Lana is wondering why she didn't write an ending to this? hehe

because of the wind probably...

Lana wrote:

Please, tell me, it's not completely terrible!

It's not completely terrible. In fact, it's not terrible at all.
I will try to be honest about this and say my opinion on it, even if I am not an "authority" on the matter
Lana authorised me to be critical . So, I'll try to do some positive criticism.

Lana wrote:

Reflection: We were outside on the front lawn of the school for Lit class with our huge notebooks. I was sitting with Naomi, I didn't want to write about the trees or the sky or anything... So, I wrote about her, because everyone, who walked by was staring at her. Because, she was much too thin at this point...

I really like the idea with "reflection". Do you usually put this in front of every poem you write? It's very interesting and cute. So, you wrote the poem on the spot?! This makes the poem even better. I know it's hard to write something and to be proud of it, but it must be even harder to express everything you feel and live, in the same time. Congrats!!

Ok..now the poem.
I do like it! I do...it's a bit strange but in a good, beautiful way. I think it's a realistic portrait with some surreal elements in it. I don't have a clue if this is possible...Surreal paintings aren't actually realistic, but maybe you can see my point..maybe this was your idea as well. Maybe you can find same concepts in poetry..I guess.
Maybe you described her so well, with so many details, that people usually can see but not pay atention too ( do not realise ), that this thing makes the atmosphere surreal. Maybe this is why putting it in words makes it a bit strange. But I love the idea.

If I understood the poem, you have 2 moments, 2 different lines/parts that you insert. the parts where you just watch her and see all the details and the moments where she speaks, the little dialogue. I think the fact that you broke the dialogue, presenting it in different stanzas is an impressive move. This made me re-read the first stanza.

I did not understood exactly "It’s not becoming" - but I have a hunch. Probably this is because of my english. It's harder to read poems in another language.

My favourite part is "Her skinny legs cross at the ankle,
covered by subway maps of blue veins.
Naomi’s skin is translucent." - It's an atractive description, Poe like although not the same.

My whole impression is that the poem's general feeling is a bit "opressive" (If the word has the same meaning like in romanina. I hope it does), maybe a sort of melancholia or depression or just weird.
I like it's strange character....I like the feeling when reading it...I do!!

Although some little adjustments will make it much more better. I hope you don't mind me saying this..Pleaseeee...I really don't know what you can possibly change or add to it..I'm just saying I think it can be better.

All in all, I have a good opinion about it. Much more than good...I like the idea in it (although I'm not completely sure I understood the poem properly), i like some choises of words you made, some comparisons, I like the feeling...

Sorry if I said smth wrong..It certinely wasn't my intention.
I tried to say everything I could about it.
You said you want me to criticise a bit..I tried Hope it's helpful and encouraging.

...and THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE POEM , FOR POSTING IT AND FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER RESON TO CALL YOU MY SWEET LITTLE ARTIST (I just hope you like this expression )

Thank you :<33:

Lana wrote!

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I can't remember you promising anything, Bea! See you must keep all of your promises. [size=9]or maybe you just haven't made any...

I suppose I haven't made any!!!!!

I just want to support Albena and Max!

Dear girls!

Please remind me if I made any promises that I haven't kept!

ALL I have to say is that I love this forum and I loooove you all!!!!

alexandra wrote:

because of the wind probably...

no doubt...

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It's not completely terrible. In fact, it's not terrible at all.
I will try to be honest about this and say my opinion on it, even if I am not an "authority" on the matter
Lana authorised me to be critical . So, I'll try to do some positive criticism.

Oh good. I would hate for it to be terrible. I am very glad that you tried to be as honest as possible. I really, really apperciate it! And yes, I did tell you to be critical. So, I asked for it!

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I really like the idea with "reflection". Do you usually put this in front of every poem you write? It's very interesting and cute. So, you wrote the poem on the spot?! This makes the poem even better. I know it's hard to write something and to be proud of it, but it must be even harder to express everything you feel and live, in the same time. Congrats!!

Our grade 11 teacher used to make us write reflections for everything. So, it has become a habit. He used to read what we wrote everyday, so I used to write him very detailed reflections about how much my poems were driving me insane. Seriously. Mmhmm... I typed the poem up exactly as it was written in my notebook. I don't know, if I am proud of it, yet. I just like it.

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Ok..now the poem.
I do like it! I do...it's a bit strange but in a good, beautiful way. I think it's a realistic portrait with some surreal elements in it. I don't have a clue if this is possible...

Strange in a good, beautiful way? I like that. hehe. I tried to make it as realistic as possible. The girl, who I was writing about, was sitting right beside me. So, the description parts weren't too hard.

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If I understood the poem, you have 2 moments, 2 different lines/parts that you insert. the parts where you just watch her and see all the details and the moments where she speaks, the little dialogue. I think the fact that you broke the dialogue, presenting it in different stanzas is an impressive move. This made me re-read the first stanza.

Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to convay in the poem's structure. I'm very glad that I managed to do that. So breaking up the dialogue worked? It wasn't too confusing? I hope not.

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I did not understood exactly "It’s not becoming" - but I have a hunch. Probably this is because of my english. It's harder to read poems in another language.

Well, Naomi was saying, "My love, you are so sad." (she calls all her friends, my love. ) So continuing on, she says, "It's not becoming." Basically, Naomi was saying that being so sad isn't attractive or pleasant. I understand that reading poems in another language can be much harder. So, I hope I managed to clairify.

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My whole impression is that the poem's general feeling is a bit "opressive" (If the word has the same meaning like in romanina. I hope it does), maybe a sort of melancholia or depression or just weird.
I like it's strange character....I like the feeling when reading it...I do!!

It is supposed to be a sad little poem. So yes, I do understand what you mean by "oppressive". This sort of poem is a bit "extreme" for me. It's a bit bizarre, but that was sort of the mood I was in when I wrote it. If I had a chance to write more drafts, the poem would definitly "smooth out" more and become clearer. Less strange.

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Although some little adjustments will make it much more better. I hope you don't mind me saying this..Pleaseeee...I really don't know what you can possibly change or add to it..I'm just saying I think it can be better.

I usually wouldn't give you a first draft to read. It's just that all my final drafts are at school and I cannot access them at the moment. Don't worry, I know the poem needs many adjustments. It doesn't bother me at all that you said this, Alex darling! All your critism has been super! Believe me! In a few days, I will have a final draft for you.

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Sorry if I said smth wrong..It certinely wasn't my intention.
I tried to say everything I could about it.
You said you want me to criticise a bit..I tried Hope it's helpful and encouraging.

:<33: Of course, you've said nothing wrong, Alex! I appreciate your opinions sooo much!!! Thank you, again, darling!!! It was extremely helpful and encouraging to read. Also, very motivating to write another bunch of drafts and make it muuuuch better! hehe.

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...and THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE POEM , FOR POSTING IT AND FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER RESON TO CALL YOU MY SWEET LITTLE ARTIST (I just hope you like this expression )

Thank you :<33:

Well, I am glad you don't think I am completely talentless, after reading it! I admit, it's not my best work, but it's not bad in my estimation. Thank you for saying some very nice things about the poem, as well as being so honest in your critique of it! It means a lot. Your sweet little artist? hehe, I do like it, Alex. I feel special, now. hehehe.

hugs... hugs...
Lana

Dear, SWEET GIRLS!


THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING ME ......YOU KNOW WHAT!

I HAD DOUBTS WHICH LINK TO USE!!! SOOOOO, THANK YOU VERRRRY MUCH!! :<33:


LOOOVE YOU ALL!!!